Life's Fallacies - Part 3 - Disagreement is Not Always a Bad Thing

We are taught in our early years to get along with one one another.  How many times have we heard "play nice" or "don't fight" from our parents?

Along the way, many of us came to believe that disagreement is a bad thing.  Yes, disagreement that turns into violence or life-long rifts is a bad thing.  Disagreements, however, that cause individuals to listen to each other and "seek first to understand, then be understood" (Steven R. Covey), can be a good thing.

Healthy disagreement between individuals with differing views can produce much better results so long as everyone treats each other with dignity and respect in discussing them and seeking a middle ground, if possible.  Often times, however, disagreements can turn ugly as individuals take comments personally, get defensive, stake out unyielding positions, engage in personal attacks, or assume their own view is the only correct view.  With that behavior manifesting itself, it is no wonder why many of us avoid disagreement altogether. 

We can, in fact, disagree with each other on a topic without that difference of opinion becoming a wedge. I recall a conversation almost two years ago in which I had a completely different view than that of one of my dear friends.  We calmly talked about the issue, heard each other's thoughts, asked questions, and sought to understand each other.  Sadly, I have had many other conversations involving disagreement which did not go as well.

In short, disagreements do not have to be a zero-sum game.  Ferreting out differing views will ensure that a team, organization, or family have considered all the issues prior to making a decison.  Often tiimes, when disparate views are sought and considered, the decision is far superior than those made in a silo.

So, perhaps the corollary to our parents' "play nice" admonition should have been "disagree nicely".  Just a thought for the future Dr. Spocks to ponder and perhaps write about one day.

Next blogs: not everyone is self aware.  Life is supposed to fair.  Putting too much faith in individuals.