Whether it is in a work or social setting, we form relationships. Typically, we associate with individuals based upon a "common bond" that is shared mutually. Despite that common bond, we will experience and encounter differences that may result in minor or even severe conflict.
Having had the good fortune and blessing of being with the same employer for close to 30 years, I have had the opportunity of meeting and working with many lawyers. In those cases that I have had to deliver a message they did not want to hear or own up to a mistake impacting one of their clients, I was always felt more at ease if (i) I had actually met them face-to-face (ii) assisted them in the past or (iii) established a working relationship with them.
I recall an instance a few years back when I sent an e-mail to 4 firm partners asking them who should be in charge of a client. My only goal was to update our records. Little did I know that I had unwittingly set off a firestorm as all 4 partners began debating over this. Of the 4 partners, I only knew one -- that should have stopped me in my tracks. A senior partner who I have known for many years, and not one of the 4, called to advise me of this swirl. Before I could say anything, his words were "I know you and know what you were trying to do". He gave me some advice as to my next steps to calm everyone down. I can think back to hearing similar words from other partners in the firm when I had inadvertently created a problem or made a mistake. That long-term relationship and familiarity enabled the lawyers to be more forgiving in their response.
My key point here is that for individuals to work together successfully and work through conflicts that arise, it so much easier if you know each other and well. This is not to say that conflicts resolution will be easy -- it never is. It is so much easier if the conflicted parties know each other well, are invested in each other, and have a comfort level with each other to facilitate resolution. This familiarity is the basis of trust.
In this high tech world of texting, cell phones, and social networks, I believe it will be more difficult to attain this comfort level. Plus, we face the added challenge of having our text misconstrued by the reader who will not have the benefit of our facial expressions and hearing our voice inflections.
Motivation 2.0
Currently, I am listening to Daniel H. Pink's book "Drive" which discusses what motivates individuals, particularly in the workplace.
What really grabs my attention is Mr. Pink's assertion, like other management writers, is that the American workplace continues to use industrial age management principles in an information age. The carrot and stick approach, Motivation 2.0 as he refers to it, of monitoring, threatening, and rewarding with extra money workers is still the chosen approach. Mr. Pink asserts that psychological science knows that there is a much needed change and better way; it's just that business has not embraced this need for change, or Motivation 3.0.
As I continue to listen and re-listen to this new 3.0 approach, I am taken by how I, too, have been operating under some aspects of the 2.0 model. Mr. Pink, a trained economist and lawyer, talks about the need for business to turn to R-O-W-E which translates into Results Only Work Environment. In other words, don't focus on individuals' hours, schedules, etc. but rather on the results they achieve. This is a major shift for controlled-minded managers in today's world who think toward the short-term.
I believe that in today's information era, we have the tools and technology to deliver extraordinary results. We have a mindset issue among our workers that needs to change. Business leaders need to study, embrace, and apply new motivation principles to change this mindset and enable workers to grow and prosper in this information era.
What really grabs my attention is Mr. Pink's assertion, like other management writers, is that the American workplace continues to use industrial age management principles in an information age. The carrot and stick approach, Motivation 2.0 as he refers to it, of monitoring, threatening, and rewarding with extra money workers is still the chosen approach. Mr. Pink asserts that psychological science knows that there is a much needed change and better way; it's just that business has not embraced this need for change, or Motivation 3.0.
As I continue to listen and re-listen to this new 3.0 approach, I am taken by how I, too, have been operating under some aspects of the 2.0 model. Mr. Pink, a trained economist and lawyer, talks about the need for business to turn to R-O-W-E which translates into Results Only Work Environment. In other words, don't focus on individuals' hours, schedules, etc. but rather on the results they achieve. This is a major shift for controlled-minded managers in today's world who think toward the short-term.
I believe that in today's information era, we have the tools and technology to deliver extraordinary results. We have a mindset issue among our workers that needs to change. Business leaders need to study, embrace, and apply new motivation principles to change this mindset and enable workers to grow and prosper in this information era.
JFK - Myth versus Reality
To date, he was America's youngest elected President. Theodore Roosevelt was younger when he succeeded William McKinley who had been assassinated by an anarchist.
In public, JFK personified youth, vigor, and charm. Many have written about his charisma and intellect. He had a young wife and family. The press and TV media scrambled to get a picture of or film on this telegenic President and his family.
The American press was drawn to his wit, humor, and quick intellect. I recall flipping through Time and Newsweek magazines from the 60's to see how political cartoonists always drew JFK in a very flattering manner: slender build; perfect hair; nice fitting suits; and always smiling.
As we have come to know, JFK was not the picture of health in private often walking around the White House on crutches. His storybook family seemed to have been a front for a very promiscuous lifestyle. He could quickly lose the charm and affability while in the Oval Office.
My earliest recollection of JFK was watching a televised press conference in which he smiled alot and made the reporters laugh. Having been trained as a journalist and won a Pulitzer Prize himself, he seemed at ease with the press. I was disappointed to later find out that the quips and apparent witticsm of JFK was staged as questions had been provided specific reporters in advance.
The scenes of his young daughter Caroline and their pet dogs running out to greet JFK disembarking from the Marine helicopter on the White House lawn were also staged.
Given all that I have read over the years on this President and his family, I have come to wonder how much of him and his persona was actually real. Perhaps he and the American TV media helped to usher in the era of staging public events down to the very minute details.
As President, his record was mixed and incomplete. Some would argue that his public persona and presidency was enlarged in death beyond his actual life. Some would say his vision for landing a man on the moon was the clarion call that inspired our nation to literally reach for the stars.
Regardless of one's political persuasion and views of JFK, we know this: as the inexorable march of time continues, current events and recent history will crowd out JFK and relegate him to the back pages of history just like the names of McKinley, Coolidge, Cleveland, and many others. In 2013, it will have been 50 years since JFK died.
In public, JFK personified youth, vigor, and charm. Many have written about his charisma and intellect. He had a young wife and family. The press and TV media scrambled to get a picture of or film on this telegenic President and his family.
The American press was drawn to his wit, humor, and quick intellect. I recall flipping through Time and Newsweek magazines from the 60's to see how political cartoonists always drew JFK in a very flattering manner: slender build; perfect hair; nice fitting suits; and always smiling.
As we have come to know, JFK was not the picture of health in private often walking around the White House on crutches. His storybook family seemed to have been a front for a very promiscuous lifestyle. He could quickly lose the charm and affability while in the Oval Office.
My earliest recollection of JFK was watching a televised press conference in which he smiled alot and made the reporters laugh. Having been trained as a journalist and won a Pulitzer Prize himself, he seemed at ease with the press. I was disappointed to later find out that the quips and apparent witticsm of JFK was staged as questions had been provided specific reporters in advance.
The scenes of his young daughter Caroline and their pet dogs running out to greet JFK disembarking from the Marine helicopter on the White House lawn were also staged.
Given all that I have read over the years on this President and his family, I have come to wonder how much of him and his persona was actually real. Perhaps he and the American TV media helped to usher in the era of staging public events down to the very minute details.
As President, his record was mixed and incomplete. Some would argue that his public persona and presidency was enlarged in death beyond his actual life. Some would say his vision for landing a man on the moon was the clarion call that inspired our nation to literally reach for the stars.
Regardless of one's political persuasion and views of JFK, we know this: as the inexorable march of time continues, current events and recent history will crowd out JFK and relegate him to the back pages of history just like the names of McKinley, Coolidge, Cleveland, and many others. In 2013, it will have been 50 years since JFK died.
Triangles - Part 4 (pushback and exit)
Previous blogs have discussed how triangles form and how we can get pulled into them. Though we may be sensitive to and alert about their entangling possibilities, becoming part of a triangle is at times inevitable. So, how do we get out of them?
Obviously, one approach is to avoid them altogether. When Person A comes to you and starts talking about Person B, stop Person A and suggest that they go to Person B directly and talk through the issues. Further, advise that you will check with Person B within 24 hours to ensure that this conversation has occurred.
This accomplishes a few important things:
1. puts Person A on notice that you do not want to part of a triangle
2. lets Person A know that such behavior will not be tolerated
3. sets the example for others to emulate
4. sets the stage for a triange-free environment
5. provides you with intrinsic and extrinsic credibility
So, if we have not been able to avoid a triangle, how do we exit? Here are some suggestions:
1. suggest that you, Person A and Person B go to a neutral site, like a conference room
2. advise both Person A and Person B that you no longer will listen to their comments about each other without the both of them present
3. stress that such behavior is detrimental to the team, organization, culture, etc. and does not foster trust
4. exhort both Person A and B to talk through their differences in respecful manner devoid of anger and other harmful emotions
5. stress both Person A and B to look at the facts and evaluate how both individuals can work out a solution
6. encourage both Person A and B to engage in problem-resolution discussion devoid of:
a. emotional charges and countercharges
b. interrupting each other
c. personal attacks
d. bringing in unrelated issues
7. encourage both individuals to commit to understanding each other's point of view (seek first to understand, then be understood as per Dr. Stephen R. Covey)
8. advise both Person A and B that you will follow-up with them in 2 weeks to see how things are going and are willing to bring in professional assistance such as HR and/or a counselor.
9. finally, encourage both Person A and B to avoid triangles in the future and address differences with each other
This concludes the series of blogs on triangles. Now comes the hard part: practicing what I have blogged and doing so consistently. Blogging is easier than doing. As to references, I have seen the Holy Scriptures, particularly Proverbs and the Book of James, contain many nuggets of wisdom in the realm of human relationships.
Another reference: "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters the Most". For more, click here.
Obviously, one approach is to avoid them altogether. When Person A comes to you and starts talking about Person B, stop Person A and suggest that they go to Person B directly and talk through the issues. Further, advise that you will check with Person B within 24 hours to ensure that this conversation has occurred.
This accomplishes a few important things:
1. puts Person A on notice that you do not want to part of a triangle
2. lets Person A know that such behavior will not be tolerated
3. sets the example for others to emulate
4. sets the stage for a triange-free environment
5. provides you with intrinsic and extrinsic credibility
So, if we have not been able to avoid a triangle, how do we exit? Here are some suggestions:
1. suggest that you, Person A and Person B go to a neutral site, like a conference room
2. advise both Person A and Person B that you no longer will listen to their comments about each other without the both of them present
3. stress that such behavior is detrimental to the team, organization, culture, etc. and does not foster trust
4. exhort both Person A and B to talk through their differences in respecful manner devoid of anger and other harmful emotions
5. stress both Person A and B to look at the facts and evaluate how both individuals can work out a solution
6. encourage both Person A and B to engage in problem-resolution discussion devoid of:
a. emotional charges and countercharges
b. interrupting each other
c. personal attacks
d. bringing in unrelated issues
7. encourage both individuals to commit to understanding each other's point of view (seek first to understand, then be understood as per Dr. Stephen R. Covey)
8. advise both Person A and B that you will follow-up with them in 2 weeks to see how things are going and are willing to bring in professional assistance such as HR and/or a counselor.
9. finally, encourage both Person A and B to avoid triangles in the future and address differences with each other
This concludes the series of blogs on triangles. Now comes the hard part: practicing what I have blogged and doing so consistently. Blogging is easier than doing. As to references, I have seen the Holy Scriptures, particularly Proverbs and the Book of James, contain many nuggets of wisdom in the realm of human relationships.
Another reference: "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters the Most". For more, click here.
My Father's Lessons - Equality to All
Shortly after his return from Viet Nam, my father joined Jacob J. Pearson VFW Post 637 in Hopewell, VA. Given his personality to take charge, he eventually chaired the Post's annual Memorial Day Parade. The parade started in downtown Hopewell, went down City Point Road, and ended at the City Point National Cemetary. Seeing him calling the shots to ensure that the marching bands and floats were in place made me feel proud. Each year, the VFW also coordinated a memorial service at the cemetary complete with a military speaker and local minister to offer up the invocation and benediction.
As he sat in the audience this one year, my father noticed that those within the cemetary gates were all white. He further noticed that African-American families had arrived at the cemetary but waited outside of its gates as if they did not feel welcome nor it appropriate to join the assembled audience.
My father often shared how this scene touched him. For interred in this national cemetary were Americans of all ethnicities and religious denominations. All these brave men and women had family members who mourned their loss. Yet, they felt compelled to wait and honor their fallen family members after the ceremony concluded.
I am certain that my father reflected upon how he could change this He once shared with me how his heart had been softened toward African-Americans from a childhood experience in which he witnessed violent discrimination.
The following Memorial Day, he invited a Black minister to offer up the prayers at the cemetary. In sitting in the audience that day, my father saw how at least for this one moment in time, that community was one in honoring those who made the supreme sacrific for their country. I often like to think that perhaps some of fallen were peering down from above that day, nodding in approval, and saying to each other "now, this is why we fought and died", to see a land where there is equality, unity, and harmony.
I am very proud of my father for the stand that he took and the example he set. To this day, I find myself reaching out those individuals of all races, particularly African-Americans who still experience discrimination in our society. It is my way to honor my father's lesson on eqality but also to heed my Savior's commandment "as I have loved you, love one another".
As he sat in the audience this one year, my father noticed that those within the cemetary gates were all white. He further noticed that African-American families had arrived at the cemetary but waited outside of its gates as if they did not feel welcome nor it appropriate to join the assembled audience.
My father often shared how this scene touched him. For interred in this national cemetary were Americans of all ethnicities and religious denominations. All these brave men and women had family members who mourned their loss. Yet, they felt compelled to wait and honor their fallen family members after the ceremony concluded.
I am certain that my father reflected upon how he could change this He once shared with me how his heart had been softened toward African-Americans from a childhood experience in which he witnessed violent discrimination.
The following Memorial Day, he invited a Black minister to offer up the prayers at the cemetary. In sitting in the audience that day, my father saw how at least for this one moment in time, that community was one in honoring those who made the supreme sacrific for their country. I often like to think that perhaps some of fallen were peering down from above that day, nodding in approval, and saying to each other "now, this is why we fought and died", to see a land where there is equality, unity, and harmony.
I am very proud of my father for the stand that he took and the example he set. To this day, I find myself reaching out those individuals of all races, particularly African-Americans who still experience discrimination in our society. It is my way to honor my father's lesson on eqality but also to heed my Savior's commandment "as I have loved you, love one another".
A Father's Wisdom
My father imparted many life lessons on me. Regrettably, I did not learn and apply most of them consistently throughout my life.
Recently, I was reminded , though, of one of those nuggets: always leave for your appointment in sufficient time to arrive early. This will enable one to address any unexpected issues. A Drill Seargent at Ft. Jackson's caveat was always "Be here on time. Don't be coming. Else...."
Yesterday, I had to conduct a demo in a conference room. When setting up my laptop for the demo, it froze up. I had to reboot and reset everything. Thanks to arriving 10 minutes early, I was ready for the demo 2 minutes before the attendees arrived. Otherwise, I would have kept them waiting and consumed their valuable time. Thanks dad for this advice.
Fathers: impart such life lessons on your children. Who knows they just may apply them from time to time and make you proud!
Recently, I was reminded , though, of one of those nuggets: always leave for your appointment in sufficient time to arrive early. This will enable one to address any unexpected issues. A Drill Seargent at Ft. Jackson's caveat was always "Be here on time. Don't be coming. Else...."
Yesterday, I had to conduct a demo in a conference room. When setting up my laptop for the demo, it froze up. I had to reboot and reset everything. Thanks to arriving 10 minutes early, I was ready for the demo 2 minutes before the attendees arrived. Otherwise, I would have kept them waiting and consumed their valuable time. Thanks dad for this advice.
Fathers: impart such life lessons on your children. Who knows they just may apply them from time to time and make you proud!
FDR's legacy -- myth versus reality
Let's take a break from triangles for now.
A long time ago and in a far away place such as Hopewell Middle School, I was in Mrs. Mahaney's U.S. History Class. It was 4th period, right before lunch time and my mind often strayed to what was for lunch. In the spring, we finally got to the 1900's, past WWI, and into the Great Depression.
I recall how Mrs. Mahaney portrayed President Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR) as a savior to the US economy and our standard of living; how his "New Deal" policies made things better for all Americans; and, that his ebullient self-confidence gave the beleaguered nation hope in time of despair. Photographs of FDR with his chin raised in the air with his ubiquitous cigarette holder clenched between his teeth portrayed the image of supreme self confidence. Even his name sounded majestic. Like JFK years later, FDR had a public persona the belied quite a different private reality.
I walked away from that class and into my adult life viewing FDR as the man who saved our country and also led it through WWII. I looked upon President Hoover as a complete dunce.
Well, years later I have come to understand better that FDR was not universally accepted in his day as a great savior; that he had many detractors; that he had no plan whatsover to attack the Great Depression; and, how some economists now believe that his "alphabet soup" of social programs (WPA, CCA, NRA, etc.). I have come to discover that many were beginning to question at the time whether capitalism would survive.
Currently, I am listening to Jim Powell's book that offers a contrarian view on FDR. For more click here.
Perhaps FDR's greater legacy was his leadership through WWII and his reaching out to Americans via his "Fireside Chats". Regardless, he led our nation through extraordinary times, "No Ordinary Times" is how Doris Kearns Goodwin described them in her Pulitzer prize winning work.
A long time ago and in a far away place such as Hopewell Middle School, I was in Mrs. Mahaney's U.S. History Class. It was 4th period, right before lunch time and my mind often strayed to what was for lunch. In the spring, we finally got to the 1900's, past WWI, and into the Great Depression.
I recall how Mrs. Mahaney portrayed President Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR) as a savior to the US economy and our standard of living; how his "New Deal" policies made things better for all Americans; and, that his ebullient self-confidence gave the beleaguered nation hope in time of despair. Photographs of FDR with his chin raised in the air with his ubiquitous cigarette holder clenched between his teeth portrayed the image of supreme self confidence. Even his name sounded majestic. Like JFK years later, FDR had a public persona the belied quite a different private reality.
I walked away from that class and into my adult life viewing FDR as the man who saved our country and also led it through WWII. I looked upon President Hoover as a complete dunce.
Well, years later I have come to understand better that FDR was not universally accepted in his day as a great savior; that he had many detractors; that he had no plan whatsover to attack the Great Depression; and, how some economists now believe that his "alphabet soup" of social programs (WPA, CCA, NRA, etc.). I have come to discover that many were beginning to question at the time whether capitalism would survive.
Currently, I am listening to Jim Powell's book that offers a contrarian view on FDR. For more click here.
Perhaps FDR's greater legacy was his leadership through WWII and his reaching out to Americans via his "Fireside Chats". Regardless, he led our nation through extraordinary times, "No Ordinary Times" is how Doris Kearns Goodwin described them in her Pulitzer prize winning work.
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